Screwface
by Bendatron
Summary: After the Professor takes all of his greed out, Bender becomes sweet and compassionate, but the greed finds its way into Leela. Meanwhile, Zoidberg's life gets into danger as Donbot forces him to pay protection money.


Screwface

(After the Professor takes all of his greed, Bender becomes sweet and compassionate, but the greed finds its way into Leela. Meanwhile, Zoidberg's life is in danger as Donbot forces him to pay him protection money or they will brutally slaughter him.)

Opening Sequence plays

Caption: Gnagnar's Human Rinds presents...

TV Screen: Scene from Transformers G1

Act One: "Dimez up!"

(Fry, Leela, Bender, Amy and Zoidberg are gathered around the conference room table sleeping. The Professor walks in with Hermes following him holding a package. Hermes drops the package on the table, causing the crew to wake up.)

**Professor**: Good news everyone, today you're going to make a delivery to Solem 12, the planet of the tapir people.

**Leela** (pulling the package towards her): What's the delivery?

**Hermes** (sitting down): Just some marijuana.

(Leela frowns. Bender stands up and walks towards the package)

**Bender** (overdoing it): Ahh, marijuana. Another example of a great way to...

(A weird "ding" noise comes from Bender. Bender opens his cabinet and takes out a tape recorder.)

**Fry** (pointing at the tape recorder): Hey Bender, what's that?

**Bender** (placing the recorder on the table): Oh, it simply a little thing a came up with since Professor. F there first said _"Good news everyone"_.

**Zoidberg** (looking at the recorder): Is it food, maybe?

(Bender connects the recorder to the big screen in the conference room.)

**Bender**: No.

(Zoidberg bursts into tears.)

**Bender**: Something better!

(Everybody looks at the screen. On the screen comes up a title saying _Professor Rap_ _by Bender_.)

**Bender**: I made a rap out o' it!

(Up comes on a montage of the Professor's constant good news everyone.)

**Professor** (on screen, rapping): Good-good-good-good

Nenenenennews everyone

You'll-you'll-you'll-you'll

AH HAH-AH HAH-AH-AH-AH HAH

That's gggggggoing to bbbleeed when my hhhheart bbbbbbbbbbbeats!

(Fry, Bender, Amy and Zoidberg laugh their heads off. Leela, the Professor and Hermes just frown.)

**Hermes** (informing): You all have reason to treat your boss with respect.

**Amy** (to Hermes): Smeesh, it's just a bit of fun.

**Professor** (angrily): Just make the darn delivery! What are we, some kind of comic relief group or something?

**Fry** (answering): Ah, actually Professor...

**Professor** (even angrier): It's rhetorical!

(Bender jumps up on the table.)

**Bender** (pointing up in the air): Planet "Pineapple" Express away!

(Jamaican music plays)

(The scene cuts to the Planet Express ship. The ship heads to a green jungle planet. The ship lands in a small town filled with weird aliens looking cross between humans and tapirs. Fry, Leela and Bender come out of the ship. Fry and Bender are carrying packages of marijuana. A small party of tapir people walk up to them. The tapir people have Indian accents)

**Tapir #1** (walking up to Leela): Welcome to Solem 12, friends.

**Fry**: Since when were we friends? We haven't even met before.

(Leela shoves Fry)

**Leela** (whispering to Fry): Fry, just get this delivery done and over with.

(Fry unloads the packages to some loading tracks using the hover dolly. A tapir walks up to a package and leans down to it.)

**Tapir #1** (sniffing the package): Ahhhhh. This will make a fine...watch you call it?

**Fry**: Uhhhh, smoke?

**Tapir #1**: Ahh, yes, smoke! Why thank you...ahh...don't tell me, don't tell me...Phyllis G. Fuy?

(Fry sighs and walks back to the ship with the hover dolly.)

(Sneaky music plays)

(The scene cuts to the interior of the place the tapirs are keeping the marijuana. Bender sneaks in and opens seventeen of the packages. He takes the marijuana out of them and stuffs the stuff inside of his cabinet.)

**Bender** (quietly): Hehehe. You can tell Bender to stay away from the drug, but will he listen? Hehehe!

(The scene cuts to the streets of New New York. Zoidberg is walking down the streets looking for food. Suddenly a voice comes from a dark alleyway.)

**Donbot** (off-screen): Seize im.

**Zoidberg** (turning his head to the alleyway): Wah?

(A wooden bat comes out of the alleyway and knocks Zoidberg unconscious.)

**Zoidberg** (getting knocked out): Ow!

(The scene cuts to an unknown place. Zoidberg is knocked out on the floor. Zoidberg begins to wake up.)

**Donbot** (off-screen): Hez awake.

(Zoidberg wakes up to see he is in the Robot Mafia hideout. Donbot is sitting on a large chair. On his right is Joey Mousepad and on his left is Clamps.)

**Zoidberg** (scared and cowering back in fear): Ahhhhh! Don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me!

**Donbot**: Your pathetic act won't zave you thiz time, Doctor Zoidberg!

**Clamps** (realising it's Zoidberg): Hey, you're dat zhrimp that cut off my Clamps! MY CLAMPS! MY CLAMPS! MY CLAMPS, you liddle basderd!

**Joey Mousepad** (to Clamps): Yeah, Francis. Ehhehe.

**Clamps** (angrily, muttering): Fgerhgbyvrbb Clamps Clamps grfggrdtr!

(Donbot gets out a gun and shoots the roof to get everyone's undivided attention.)

**Donbot** (frustrated): Now get back to buzinezz, you knuckleheadz! Dr. Zoidberg, you live in mafia territory.

**Zoidberg** (almost pleading): But I live in a dumpster.

**Donbot**: Id still countz medical crab! Timez up! Pay uz 9,000,000,000,000,001 dollerz in two weekz, or you know what happenz!

**Clamps** (running up to Zoidberg): Da clamps!

(Clamps starts clamping his clamps at Zoidberg's face. Zoidberg walks back in fear and bumps into Joey Mousepad who knocks him out again. Zoidberg wakes up in the streets.)

(Sad music plays)

**Zoidberg** (scared): What will I do?

(The scene cuts to the planet Solem 12. Bender sneaks off to the ship giggling but bumps into a tapir. This one is a female.)

**Tapir #2**: Where you going robot?

**Bender** (shuffling away): Ahhhhh...Nowhere.

(Bender trips over a rock. The marijuana pours out of his cabinet. The tapirs are shocked and angry.)

**Bender** (looking at the tapirs): Oh daffodil!

(The tapirs beat Bender up. The scene cuts to the conference room at the Planet Express building. Fry, Leela, Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes are sitting at the table. Bender and the Professor are standing up. Bender is looking ashamed.)

**Professor** (angrily): So you just grabbed the marijuana!

**Bender** (making a comeback): Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I don't see what the big deal is.

**Professor** (angrily): The big deal is that those anthropomorphic know-it-alls have ordered an immediate refund! Your greed is out of control!

**Bender** (lighting a cigar): Well too bad. You can't change a leopard's spots.

**Professor**: Ah, not naturally, but with the miracle of science it is possible. Anything is possible in science.

(The Professor leans over and picks up a ray gun-like invention. He blasts a red light at Bender. After a few minutes the light stops.)

**Professor** (to Bender): Do you want this new-gold-wristwatch?

(The Professor shows Bender a new, priceless, sparkling, gold wristwatch. Bender wiggles his head.)

**Bender**: No. It belongs to you.

(Everybody, except for Bender and the Professor, gasp. The Professor simply smirks.)

**Professor**: Oh yes! My new invention that I've been labouring over day and night works!

**Fry** (raising his hand): Ah Professor, what the Bending unit just happened?

**Professor**: Well everyone, this is my new invention, the Takebadthoughtsoutofyourhead automatic, its purpose, to take out any thoughts of greed and lust!

**Everyone** (except for Bender and the Professor): Oooh!

**Amy** (to the Professor): And also, you could have made up a snazzier name for it.

**Bender** (to the crew): Well, I'd like to take all my friends out for tea at Elzar's.

**Everyone** (except Bender): Huhhh?

**Professor** (trying to think): Hmmm, maybe we took out too much of his greed, but nothing too serious.

(Leela stands up and walks to the cupboards in the kitchen. She opens a cupboard and grabs a can of _Red Minotaur_. She is about to drink it until Fry stops her.)

**Fry** (to Leela): Leela, I think you should stop drinking that stuff, it's terrible bad for your health.

**Leela** (to Fry): I'm sorry; it's just a bit addictive.

**Hermes**: Well, everyone get back to work.

(Fry, the Professor, Bender, Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes leave the room. Leela stays in the room and looks at the drink. She then walks over to the conference table and looks at the Professor's new invention.)

**Fry** (off-screen): C'mon Leela. _All My Circuits_ is starting.

**Leela** (looking at the door): Ah, coming.

(Leela picks up the invention.)

**Leela** (thoughts): Hmm, Fry said it himself, I have a habit. Better get rid of it!

(Leela points the invention at herself. She presses the button, but it simply makes a rejection noise.)

**Leela** (lowering the device): What the?

(Suddenly the red light blasts out at the tip. But when it retracts something far different happens.)

**Leela** (talking like Bender): Jewels, crystals, money! I want them all!

(The reason for this strange thing happening is because instead of taking out her desire for the drink it gave her Bender's greed and lust. She starts laughing like Bender, but gets interrupted by Zoidberg.)

**Zoidberg** (off-screen): Ho ho ho. I don't get it.

Act Two: "Those diamonds will be mine!"

(Dramatic sting)

(Act starts in the room where the Professor keeps his smelloscope. The Professor is standing outside a huge metal door with a lock. Fry, Leela, Amy, Zoidberg, Hermes and Cubert are standing around the Professor.)

**Professor** (proudly): Now you're wondering why I've called you all here today.

**Cubert**: You live here dad (oinks). And all these weirdies work here.

(Long silence)

**Professor** (angrily): Shut up! (Proudly) Anyways the reason I've called all you here is some exponentially good news, everyone! With Bender in a non greedy state, I can finally sleep in peace about keeping my diamonds safe.

**Amy** (scratching her head): I didn't even know you even had diamonds Professor, smease.

(The Professor gets out a key and opens the metal door. It doesn't open easily though.)

**Professor** (frustrated): Oh blast it! What the hell is the combination!

(Bender enters the room carrying 4 gifts)

**Fry** (to Bender): Bender, where did you steal those gifts from?

**Bender** (nicely): I did not steal them, I bought em', for my best friends!

(Everyone except Bender and the Professor gasp)

**Bender**: Just to show you how much of a lucky robot I am to have friends like you guys.

(Bender walks up to Amy and gives her one of the presents.)

**Bender** (to Amy): Amy this is for you. It's a new makeup kit. I heard the old one broke.

**Amy** (astonished, to Bender): Aw, that's actually very sweet.

(Amy and Bender hug. Bender then walks over to Zoidberg and gives him a present.)

**Bender** (to Zoidberg): Zoidberg here's some coupons for you.

**Zoidberg**: Orowwwwl!

(Bender walks over to Hermes and gives him a present.)

**Bender** (to Hermes): Hermes here's a new calculator.

**Hermes** (to Bender): Ohhh, mighty impressive mon!

(Fry runs up to Bender)

**Fry** (excited, to Bender): Hey Bender, where's my present!

**Bender** (to Fry): Here it is.

(Bender hugs fry which sort of unintentionally strangles him.)

**Fry** (chocking): Bender...What type of...mamaf...ing present id...THIS!

**Bender** (letting go): It's just a hug for my friend! You're my friend Fry!

(Fry gulps. The Professor finally gets the right turn.)

**Professor** (overlie proud): Ah finally, in your face...whatever. (Turns to the crew) Feast your eyes, everyone, on THIS!

(The Professor opens the door and reveals millions of diamonds.)

**Everyone** (except for the Professor): Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

**Zoidberg** (raising his claw): How much do these diamonds cost?

**Professor**: About $9,000,000,000,000,001 for five.

(Royal sting)

(Zoidberg's eyes open up wide)

**Bender**: Ehh, who cares about diamonds? Not when I have you guys!

**Fry** (to the Professor): (sighs) Professor, won't you put Bender's greed back.

**Professor** (angrily, to Fry): Absolutely not!

**Zoidberg** (to Professor): Say Hubert, can I have five diamonds? Because there are these bad rob...

**Professor** (angrily, to Zoidberg): ABSOLUTLY NOT!

**Zoidberg** (sadly): Oh!

(Everyone begins to walk out of the room until they notice that Leela is not there.)

**Fry** (looking around): Hey, where's Leela?

**Bender** (holding up a present): Yeah, and I still haven't given her new contact lens to her yet.

(The scene cuts to the inside of the Planet Express ship. Leela is preparing some burglars tools that look like the ones that Bender bought in _Three Hundred Big Boys_.)

**Leela** (closing the kit): Those diamonds will be mine!

(Leela starts laughing like Bender. Fry walks into the room with his hands in his pockets.)

**Fry**: Hey Leela.

**Leela** (to Fry, chucking the burglars tools away): Ohh, hello Fry.

(Leela smiles to conceal her true intentions.)

(Sneaky music plays)

(The scene cuts to a montage of Leela trying to steal the diamonds. Leela hides up in the service ducts over the room where the professor keeps the smelloscope; she tries to use a powerful magnet on a chain to open the door but accidently pulls up Bender instead (fortunately the magnets sticks to Bender nowhere near his inhibitions unit so he doesn't flip out and act like a crazy folk singer) Bender waves, but Leela drops him. Leela then tries to shoot at the lock to unlock the door but mildly hits Zoidberg instead.)

**Zoidberg** (getting shot at): Ow!

(Leela then tries to use a tractor beam that the Professor made, but accidently picks up the Professor sleeping in his chair. The Professor wakes up but Leela returns him into place.)

(The scene cuts to the streets of New New York. Fry and Bender are walking to work. Bender is whistling cheerfully. They walk past an alleyway. Roberto jumps from that alleyway to in front of them holding his stabbing knife.)

**Fry** (scared and putting his hands up): Augghhh! Help! Police!

**Roberto** (to Fry, pretending to be friendly): Hi Red, buddy!

**Fry** (to Roberto): Roberto! What are you doing here?

**Roberto** (to Fry): Nobody takes me seriously...

**Fry** (begging to Roberto): But I think you're actually quite...

**Roberto** (to Fry, shouting): Shut up! To show them to take me seriously, I'm thinking of taking a life...A HUMAN LIFE!

(Roberto points his knife at Fry and is about to slash but Bender goes in front of Fry.)

**Bender** (heroically, to Roberto): You'll have to go threw me first!

**Roberto** (to Bender): Ok. Then have some thissssssssss! (Swinging his knife around) !

(Bender grabs Roberto's knife and bends it. Roberto starts to freak out. Roberto runs away screaming and waving his arms about in the air and slams into the wall. A crowd gathers around Bender. Mayor Poppenmeyer runs up to Bender.)

**Mayor Poppenmeyer**: A robot beats up and scares away that already crazed robot, now that's new and seamlessly important. (To Bender) Mr...

**Bender**: Bender.

**Mayor Poppenmeyer** (to Bender): Mr. Bender. Now that robot escaped from the HAL Institute for Criminally Insane Robots 12 months ago.

**Dr. Perceptron**: Indeed!

**Mayor Poppenmeyer** (to Bender): So as a reward mister we will give a large money order.

(Fry walks away with his hands in his pockets.)

**Fry** (sadly, to himself): The old Bender would think whether to save me.

(The scene cuts to the Planet Express TV room. Leela is holding the burglars tools and is looking angry.)

**Leela** (angrily): Darn burglars tools, now I'll never get those darn diamonds!

(Leela throws the tools over her shoulder. The scene cuts to the conference room. Zoidberg is walking past the doorway that leads to the TV room. The burglars tools fly out and hits him in the knocking him down.)

**Zoidberg** (getting hit on the head): Ow! (Regaining consciousness) Oh c'mon, give me a break!

(Zoidberg stands up, picks up the tools and looks at them.)

**Zoidberg** (relieved): Hurray, free burglars tools! Things are looking up!

(Fry and Bender walk in.)

**Fry** (to Bender): Bender why'd you have to save me?

**Bender** (to Fry): Because you're my frien...

**Fry** (interrupting, to Bender): Please don't!

(The Professor enters the room.)

**Professor** (angrily): Bad news everyone, there's a thief among us!

(Everyone except for the Professor gasp)

**Professor** (angrily): The only reason that can be explained is somebody has got Bender's greed, which would mean that somebody's been playing about with the Takebadthoughtsoutofyourhead automatic, which would mean that they will be in even more trouble than imaginable. (Doing the _I'm watching you mark_) I'm watching you!

(Zoidberg's eyes move shiftily. The Professor grabs the keys for the door and swallows them. Fry, the Professor and Bender leave the room.)

**Zoidberg**: You can warn Zoidberg, but you can't stop him doing it for his life.

(The scene cuts to the Professor's room at night. The Professor is sleeping in his bed. Zoidberg sneaks in up to the bed with magnet on a rod that he used in _Bender's Game_)

**Zoidberg** (quietly so not wake the Professor): Sorry old friend, but Donbot won't be forgiving.

(Zoidberg uses the magnet to get the keys out. The scene cuts to the room where the Professor keeps the smelloscope. There are red detection lights scanning around the place. Zoidberg walks up to the entrance and cuts the wire for the security cameras.)

**Zoidberg**: Ah-huh! Zoidberg will get away!

(Mission Impossible music plays)

(Zoidberg jumps over a light and rolls. Then he crawls underneath a light. He shifts to one side to evade a light. He twirls past two lights. He runs past some lights. He jumps atop a bookcase and jumps down in front of the giant door. He unlocks it and takes out five diamonds.)

**Zoidberg** (overexcited): Hurray!

(Zoidberg flings his arms back and hits a light. An alarm rings.)

**Alarm voice**: Intruder alert! INTRUDER ALERT!

(The Professor walks in wearing his pyjamas and holding a gun.)

**Zoidberg**: Oh no!

(Music ends)

Act Three: "I'm coming ."

(The act starts in the TV room. The Professor is furious with Zoidberg. Bender, Amy and Hermes are watching _Everybody Loves Hypnotoad_.)

**Professor** (angrily, at Zoidberg): Owwwwo, I should have known you fiddle with my stuff, like what you did with my bottle!

**Zoidberg** (pleading, to the Professor): Please I beg you, I only tried to steal it because the Robet Maf...

**Professor** (furious, at Zoidberg): Quiet! (Turning around to grab some paper off the table) Now then, the punishment for attempted larceny and fiddling around with labatorium equipment is simply...What the!

(Zoidberg runs through the window.)

**Zoidberg** (smashing through the glass): Woop woop waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

(Zoidberg lands luckily on a hover bus. The scene cuts to O'Zorgnax's pub. Zoidberg is sitting on a bar stool. iZac is serving at the counter.)

**Zoidberg** (sadly): Ohh. I'm a lobster roll, definitely!

**iZac** (to Zoidberg): What's wrong Dr. Z, It looks like you have the weight of the worlds on your shoulders.

**Zoidberg** (sadly, to iZac): Boss slash friend hates me, Robet Mafia loan and I have no money at all!

(Zoidberg bursts into tears.)

**iZac** (to Zoidberg): Ohh, want anything to drink?

**Zoidberg** (sadly, to iZac): No, I have no money.

**iZac** (to Zoidberg): Ohh, you said so. It's just I really get used to saying (pointing his fingers at Zoidberg) you got it!

**Zoidberg** (to iZac): Even if I had money I couldn't drink here and get away with it! The Robet Mafia is giving me a fine of 9,000,000,000,000,001 dollars! And Francis will want to get his squeezers around my neck!

**iZac** (to Zoidberg): Then it's obvious what you must do, if you're going down then take em' down with you!

**Zoidberg** (realising what he could do): Yes, I give the bad robets what's coming to them! (To iZac) Thanks iZac.

**iZac** (pointing his fingers at Zoidberg): You got it!

(The scene changes to the room where the Professor keeps the smelloscope. Leela is walking past the entrance but stops in front of the entrance to look in. Scene pans out revealing the five diamonds Zoidberg dropped. Leela runs up to the diamonds.)

**Leela** (greedily, picking up the diamonds): Finally the diamonds belong to ME!

(Leela laughs like Bender. The scene cuts to an alleyway in New New York at night. The Robot Mafia is waiting there. Donbot is sitting on a chair. Joey Mousepad is standing on to left and Clamps is standing to his right. Donbot is checking his clock.)

**Donbot** (getting impatient): Wherez dat pezky liddle amphipod?

**Joey Mousepad** (to Donbot): Wid all due rezped bozz, I think da crab scuddled away.

**Clamps**: Den he can dalk do DA CLAMPS!

(Clamps starts clamping his clamps. Zoidberg walks into the alleyway.)

**Donbot** (to Zoidberg): Bout dime! Where you bin?

**Zoidberg** (angrily): To take you down! Balaaaaaaaaar!

(Zoidberg is about to take one step towards Donbot but Joey and Clamps get out there guns. Zoidberg steps back.)

**Donbot** (to Zoidberg): Nice try! One step and Joey and Clamps will mezz you up lobzter geek! Now, where'z my money?

**Zoidberg** (angrily): No money!

**Donbot**: Very well. Joey, Clamps mezz fill him wid lead!

(Joey and Clamps load their guns. Zoidberg gets out a gun and points it to Donbot.)

**Zoidberg** (angrily, to Donbot): Not so fast! If they shoot me I shoot you!

(Clamps walks up to Zoidberg and grabs the gun. Clamps clamps it which destroys it. Clamps walks back to his original position.)

**Zoidberg** (sadly): Ohh, am I dead meat?

(All three members of the Robot Mafia nod their heads.)

**Zoidberg** (seemingly ok with it): Oh, ok. (Freaks out and clapping his claws) Ahhhhh!

(Zoidberg runs behind a trash can.)

**Zoidberg** (screaming): Ahhhhh! Woop woop woop woop!

**Donbot** (to Joey and Clamps): Zoot im! Make im zuffer!

(Joey and Clamps start shooting at the trash can. Clamps is laughing like a maniac. Zoidberg cowers in fear behind the trash can. The scene cuts to the TV room in the Planet Express building. Bender, Amy and Hermes are still watching _Everybody Loves Hypnotoad_. Suddenly a bullet hits the window. All three characters are surprised.)

**Amy** (surprised): Gash, what was that?

**Bender** (walking over to the window, scratching what would be his chin): Hmm, that's a very good question.

(Bender looks out the window and sees the Robot Mafia trying to shoot Zoidberg. Amy and Hermes walk up to window next to Bender. All three characters gasp.)

**Hermes** (shocked): Great pelican of Evelyn, Zoidberg's going to be shot to death! And also, they don't allow you to dump remains into sewers anymore!

(Bender walked back for a charge.)

**Bender** (charging through the window) I'm coming ...

(Bender smashes through the glass.)

**Hermes**: Now we have to buy another replacement window!

**Bender** (falling towards the Robot Mafia): !

(The Robot Mafia stops shooting and looks at Bender. Zoidberg creeps away.)

**Donbot** (to Bender): Bender, wad are you doing here? I thaud you where in robod hell by now.

**Bender** (nervous): I'm not Bender. I'm...ahh...Nonchelanto.

**Professor** (shouting from the Planet Express building): That's my circus alias!

**Bender** (shouting to the Professor): Hey, you stole my body and left me to get youse to those boobs flapping every which way!

**Donbot** (to Bender): Ok Noncelanto. (To Joey and Clamps) Joey, Clamps ruff im up!

(Action music plays)

(Scene switches to slow motion)

(Clamps charges at Bender clamping his clamps. Bender jumps out of the way sending Clamps into a wall. Clamps gets one of his clamps stuck in the wall. As Clamps tries to pull his clamp out, Bender goes up behind Clamps and punches him in the back of his head, knocking him out cold. Clamps growls as he gets knocked out. Joey Mousepad runs at Bender but Bender kicks him sideways in the chest sending Joey flying backwards screeching.)

(Slow motion stops)

**Bender**: Punk ass mafia!

(Bender suddenly slips backwards and lands in front of Donbot. Donbot throws away his coat and hat.)

**Donbot** (to Bender): When will you learn Noncelanto, dat deres an order to dings, some ged money otherz give money!

(Donbot gets out a gun and is about to shoot Bender, but a bottle is smashed at the back of Donbot's head. Donbot falls on his front. It turns out that Zoidberg was the one who smashed the bottle.)

**Zoidberg** (cheerful): Hurray, a happy ending for Zoidberg! Hey wait a minute, what's Leela doing sneaking around with those diamonds?

(Leela is sneaking past the alleyway holding the diamonds. Bender walks up and stands in front of her.)

**Bender** (to Leela): Going somewhere?

(Leela drops the diamonds and puts her hands up.)

**Bender** (crossing his arms): I think we solved the case of the missing greed thief.

(Zoidberg runs up and grabs the diamonds.)

**Zoidberg** (shouting over to Donbot): Hey Donbot, I've got you're 9,000,000,000,000,001 dollars right here!

**Donbot** (disorientated): Uhhhh...Who cares?...I jusd wanded id do buy Fanny a braceled for her birdday.

(Donbot passes out. The scene cuts to the Planet Express building the next morning. Fry, Leela, Bender, Amy, Zoidberg, Hermes, Cubert and the Professor are in the conference room. The Professor is taking all of Bender's greed out of Leela with the Takebadthoughtsoutofyourhead automatic. He finishes.)

**Professor** (putting down the invention): There, now I can rest in peace.

**Leela** (to the Professor): Sorry I tried to steal the diamonds Professor.

**Professor** (to Zoidberg): I'm sorry I accused you Zoidberg.

**Zoidberg** (to the Professor): That's okay Hubert. But I'd like to thank robet, (to Bender) how can I ever repay you? I'm very good at mercy killings.

**Bender** (to Zoidberg): No need to repay me. (Putting his arms around Fry and Amy) I'm just glad I can serve my...

**Fry** (angrily, getting out of Bender's arm): That's it!

(Fry picks up the Takebadthoughtsoutofyourhead automatic and blasts it at Bender, returning his greed.)

**Bender** (over pressured): Oh man, Fry you slag! I've seen too many things that I would love to steal over the past two weeks! What first, what first!

(Fry sits down on a seat and puts his feet up.)

**Fry** (full of himself): He he he, the old greedy Bender's back.

(Leela, Amy, Zoidberg, Hermes and the Professor look at Fry angrily.)

**Fry** (getting scared and hiding under the table): Though it might be a mistake!

The End


End file.
